Bicycle Repair Man!
And I found a whole site related to bicycle repairs. This covers most of the stuff that you’re ever really going to want to know, if you’re going to run a bike. I like my bikes to be stealth silent, so I’m constantly amazed by the noises that people put up with from their bikes - these are generally sounds of distress from gears (who needs ‘em anyway :-D), chains, or breaks, all of which can be easily rectified.
Sure, you might need to spend a few pounds on some tools, but as Ben Laurance pointed out in this week’s Sunday Times, a new set of front tyres for his Volkswagen was £230. Plus fitting. Plus VAT.
You can buy an awful lot of bike tools & components for that kind of money!