I Too Have A Sting In My Tail

From the letters page of The Northern Echo :

READERS afflicted by pavement cyclists may be interested in a device my brothers and I made a few years ago for a TV programme.

It consisted of a steel plate studded with spikes and hinged at one end which could be attached to a walking stick and folded up.

On the approach of an errant cyclist on the footpath, a flick of a finger could deploy this mini stinger into the cyclist’s path.

The resultant punctures to a bike tyre immediately transformed the rider to a pedestrian.

P W Anderson, Consett , County Durham

As Mel Wilson commented on Twitter , "apparently it’s OK to incite violence towards cyclists".

The thing is, I’ve been thinking for some time that I need a sting in my own tail . Just as PW Anderson feels the need for a first-strike weapon against bicycles, I feel I need one against certain drivers. In this crazy arms race, I’ve realised that I need something to really discourage those drivers who think they can pass as close as they like - so long as they don’t actually hit you , there’s no harm done. Here’s what I’ve come up with

Introducing the Three-Feet-O-Matic!

Prototype 1 - wire brush wheel:

Prototype 2 - wire flail:

Future, commercially available versions, will include proximity sensors to only turn the motor on only when you need it (better fuel economy - hey, if you can’t be smugly green on a bike, then where can you be?), and a petrol-driven chainsaw. I’m also toying with the idea of mounting a plasma cutter on a bike, but this is currently causing some handling difficulties.

Advance orders are being taken here .

Filed under: Bike Culture

Tags: Assassination Attempts, bikehacks, drill, Northern Echo, Old codgers with offensive weapons instead of walking s, pavement rage, Silly Stuff, Three-Feet-O-Matic