Police Are Appealing For Witnesses…
…after this dramatic footage of a child abduction was released by kidnappers:
As you can see, the plucky kid makes a break for it at 1:30, but was brought down by the pack of Lycra-clad snatchers.
The kidnappers have issued their demands:
“We want some great carbon wheels, ceramic bearings (’cos, they totally make a difference), the BEST espresso, a complete set of 2012 Rapha, a personal tweet from Lance, and if you could lend me a tube & some tools, that’d be just sooo cool.”
Police have warned that the kidnappers are clearly dangerous extremists and should not be approached. If you see them, do not get out of your two-ton armour-plated personal transport - just keep them in sight and call for support using your hands-free phone, because that’s really really safe. Have a beer while you call, if that’ll help settle your nerves.